My Heart Tremors

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My heart bleeds because of its desire to transcend. For years I have watched and waited, wondering with thoughts gone wild. What can I do to leave an impact? What can I do beyond day-to-day experiences to touch lives and inspire. I have arrived at a point where the pining for something deep that I feel I need to birth out of my being has reached insurmountable levels. I am not just talking   about the idea of conceiving a child. I am referring to my soul’s calling. Nothing can distract from or replace this yearning. I cannot feed this thirst with a purchase nor be convinced by someone else that it is just my imagination. No amount of chocolate, fries or ice cream will quell its presence. It is a real, visceral desire that I feel has carved its spot in my being. It is consistent. It is the first thing I feel when I awake and the last thing I feel as I drift to sleep. I know that it deserves more attention so that it can sing the song that it has come to sing. I know this. Yet, I am afraid of the unknown. My mind is flooded by voices of the past and society’s ways and protocols. Addictions to routines that no longer serve its purpose befuddle me because it seems to be the only familiar way to live. The fear of failure looms bright. And then, I hear J.K Rowling affirming with a quiet confidence that has touched souls far and wide. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” My heart tremors. And I try again.

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